mourning

there's a primal shift that occurs  

when something of yours is stolen 

a stillness takes over you

and makes you wonder if this is death

well, yes

it is death that has taken who belongs to you

but no,

that stillness is not your breath or beat

that's your rage warring with hopelessness

that's the carpet being ripped out from under you

that's your light being extinguished

that's the hope being torn from your heart

it's worse than death

at least what was your is in peace

so i let the pain become me

it was easier to feel the pain.

it was comforting to feel my hands drip with sweat. 

it was grounding to feel my body shake. 

it was refreshing to feel my lungs collapse. 

it was soothing to feel my tears fall.

it was a bitch to think. 

thinking of you breathless. 

thinking of how it happened. 

thinking of what comes next.  

thinking of you lost forever. 

so i let the pain become me.